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Be genuine, be specific, keep it short and sweet, etc: The list is never-ending when it comes to mastering the art of complimenting others. This article tries to unearth some facts about the art of complimenting.
What Is a Compliment?
A compliment, in simple terms, is a polite expression of praise or admiration. There are ample ways to express one’s admiration for others. Even a text message or a brief note serves this purpose. Studies show that compliments can have psychological impacts on both the giver and the taker.
Compliment vs Criticism
Criticism is the act of passing judgments. Effective criticism relies on praise. Most of us perceive it in a negative light. We see criticism as an attack upon us that subsequently impedes our growth. Of course, if the criticism happens to be forwarded in a desultory manner, it can thwart one's advancement in all domains of life. It is not our fault rather it is the incapability of the one criticizing us. Effective criticism does not condemn others or implode their confidence but it improves and helps them gain an understanding of their progress. Thus forcing them to scale up the success ladder.
Criticism can be bent in a positive way to effect a change upon others. This is when it becomes constructive criticism. Using the ‘feedback sandwich’ method and the ‘straw man’ method are the best ways of helping others with criticism. This is because these methods make use of compliments to arrive at a judgment and it reaches the receiver in an unconditionally conclusive manner.
Now let us dive deep into the 4 untold facts about the art of complimenting. Compliments motivate, inspire, uplift, and evoke positive emotions in individuals.
1. Compliments Bring Motivation
Motivation and inspiration are mostly perceived to be the same. However, there are remarkable differences between the two. Motivation is something that you draw from outside. An outside factor compels you to act.
We create ‘motifs’ ourselves. For this, we need a catalyst i.e, a compliment. We take action only when we are motivated. You get motivated when you get hold of an idea. For example, when a teacher compliments on the strategy adopted by a student, it makes the student feel that he is on the right track. It amplifies the confidence level and fuels passion. This applies to all kinds of relationships.
At the same time, if a leader gives a backhanded compliment to his team member, for example, ‘I didn't expect you to get this job done, it is clearly an insult and the team member obviously wouldn't feel like seriously paying attention to the job thereafter.
2. Compliments Create Inspiration
Inspiration comes from within. You are inspired when an idea gets hold of you. Maybe you are reading about the autobiography of a great leader and you delve deep into how the person made progress in his life, how he fought in his life, the motto of his life. You become inspired, not motivated.
You inspire others when you make them see the world in a way no one else ever has. The best way to inspire others comes through compliments. Say, for example, when you comment on one’s eyes or scarf, or if you are praising the gestures of a person you are pointing to the subtle and minute details that most people refuse to comment upon. Small things also bring happiness. This is not just an inspiration for the receiver. It bounces back on the giver as well. How?
The one earning the compliment understands that the giver is highly observant and intellectually alert. It makes you a pragmatic person before others. The advantage of this is two-fold. First, it expands your friend circle. Because people like to be around the one who incites inspiration. Second, it paves the way for elaborate and discursive talks. This means that compliments can be great icebreakers. When you begin the conversation with a compliment you exhibit your humility and willingness to talk. Discursive talks widen wisdom.
3. Compliments Uplift Others
Uplifting here means to rise above the obstacle, boredom, or in other words, elevate your present condition. Many a time, I have heard speakers saying ‘I appreciate your response’ in response to the applause made by them. This is unquestionably a beautiful tactic to uplift the audience from their boredom or to bring them back from the dream world. Apparently, it is a compliment too. So, here the compliment serves multiple purposes.
Compliments given for the purpose of uplifting others focus on matters they are struggling with. For example, if somebody is fighting stage fear, compliment them next time tracing their growth over the past days. This makes them feel that they are improving immensely and will quell the stage fright soon.
4. Compliments Evoke Positive Emotions
‘Positive vibe’ is what compliments give us. According to studies, it lights up your brain and ignites your thoughts making you extra energetic. Positive emotions take root when compliments come out of no prior planning. They are considered intentional compliments. Pre-planning of compliments often makes things worse. If you spend a lot of time thinking about what and how to make a compliment, you're not really doing the same. It is just flattery.
Compliments come spontaneously. That is why it is always appreciated to catch others right at the moment when you see them doing something exceptional. If you drag your feet and prefer to praise some 20 minutes later, they might have got off with their work and started doing something else. It is then awkward to tell them that what they did previously was superb. You are creating hilarious moments.
Praise them on the spot. Your colleagues and coworkers feel elated when they are praised by their superiors. The secret behind this is people always like to feed on positive vibes and they will try to maintain it no matter what. This, in turn, increases productivity and also retains an aura of positivity.
Compliments make us feel loved as well as others. It boosts one’s morale and respect and makes our life positive and balanced. It is an unavoidable interpersonal skill all should nurture. Next time, when you meet your friends or colleagues, remind yourself to compliment them right away rather than admiring them secretly and idolizing them in their absence.
Written by - Maryam Salim
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