Things I Wish I Knew Before - Becoming a "Girl"

Image Credits- UNOPS

“What is equality? When a girl and a boy have equal rights in society?? No… when the mentality of the society is equal for the both of them.”

Making a fake braid of my mother’s dupatta attached with my short hair and draping another one in the form of a saree to become a pretend-teacher, I used to wonder what fun it is to be a girl and how utterly mundane it must be to be a boy. If only I knew.

Children irrespective of their biological gender, are both a boy and a girl. They are open to what their heart wants. Their wonderful world isn't restricted to the mindless, typical gender based patterns. They choose their own toys, regardless of cars or dolls, kitchen sets or a doctor set.

For them washrooms, whether for him/her don’t matter. And colors! Oh, mind you but even colors have a gender, because if it’s a boy then blue and so obviously pink if you're a girl. So obvious, that boys are insecure to pick pink at times.

But it wasn’t until, I was finally told. You’re a girl! So behave like one. Now for me at the age of six or seven, with a boy’s cut, it only meant nothing. I hardly remember when and how my elders explained to me, ‘I am a girl’. Perhaps when they pointed out my flaw of speaking like a boy, “main jati hun” not “main jata hun”. Well don't they say children imitate their elders, so that’s what I did. Surrounded by three brothers my little self would imitate them.

Suddenly one day my elders handed me the sashe of being a girl. And that’s where it all began. It took me a while to change to “main jati hun”, which was just one dialogue, I had to change my entire style. But when I finally got it, there was another bomb ready.

There is a certain way girls pee and boys pee. That was manageable though. Speaking and peeing styles were okay, but now sitting style, sleeping style, walking style, dressing style, even the hairstyle. I had to change everything.The predicament my "nanhi si jaan" didn’t want.

Strangely, my family was successful in shaping me into a typical style girl, and even though I was a naughty, stubborn kid, sheerly pampered and loved, in fact more than my brother, I accepted the change.

Albeit, I was confused why me and my brother being in the same family have different styles. I never faced discrimination, but it was hard for me to delve into an entirely new pattern after living six years like a human. Yes, before becoming a girl I was a human, without a gender or any other category. Now, I am a girl, I wish I knew that!

Well I still pulled off many stunts until one day mother puberty hit me and life was never the same after that. I wish I knew that! As your body grows the whole scenario changes, slowly and gradually every small thing is a big issue.

For example: Too short clothes or sleeveless, backless, off-shoulder all such fancy clothes I used to wear so casually, weren’t so casual.( Yet I have a fancy wardrobe). No roaming around without a bra or in a very short top, while my brother or father if they get shirtless(even though they were reprimanded) wasn’t really an issue.

My concern is, that all these sudden changes are so normal, that it’s almost become a process to design men and women a certain way and there is no other way. And life for a girl gets only complicated. As she grows there are a thousand things her own family judges her upon. I mean she is totally pampered and loved and well provided for, but typically life is full of shocks.

I wish I knew that when your parents say “you can choose the career of your own choice” comes with certain loopholes. Becoming a beautician, photographer, dancer, actor etc aren’t really a part of our choice. While for a guy it isn’t such an issue merely because he is strong and rough and no one would question him or even that he can’t be exploited(what a taboo).

Families and society in fact have typecasted clothes for girls who are fat and thin. I mean according to the so-called descent standards, fat girls don’t have their own wishes. They should wear covered clothes. And, fat or thin, clothes represent your character, or going out late at night or going to pubs, smoking, drinking, is not for good girls. Boys are aliens, and dating is a crime, sex! (nevermind). Our dear boys, though, face no such trouble even when they introduce their girlfriends to their parents, apparently because he can’t get pregnant.

Talking to boys late at night is a sign of invitation, posting a certain kind of selfie or picture is revealing too much. Posting certain quotes is wrong. I mean after a point everything is questionable. So much so that girls can’t have their family members as their Instagram family. The only real family can also sometimes be unsafe for her. I wish I knew that!

But the question that remains is that, I never saw so many things ever changing for my brother, or rather he found it better to hide his individuality from his family unlike me. And when you ask your parents why so? There are two kinds of replies mostly, by strict and helpless parents:

A) “Woh ladka hai!”

B) “Sunta hi nahi hai!”

The second one is rather dangerous, because with first your parents are clear that we don’t want to provide you with certain freedom we allow your brother. But in the second, things are so annoying that you feel that why am I being such a good girl. If he can get his way then so can I. But if only.

This is just a small example, I am sure there are many girls with other examples and many girls with none. So my motive here isn’t to offend someone or typecast a girl’s life. Neither am I blaming the family. Not all parents, girls and boys are the same, it’s just a process that we get habitual of ignoring, sometimes objecting to and mostly tolerating and learning to live with.

And even though I still enjoy being a girl and totally love my life, I just wish I knew that girls are born twice and have to constantly keep having these little fights, every second of every day.