Demisexuality: Why Are More People Identifying Themselves As Demisexual?

Source - LELO

“No lust at first sight or falling for smiles, looks, etc.”

It seems like the dawn of demisexuals is here. The hype regarding this form of identity has increased since the year 2019 and mass audiences have come out during the pride month as the same. Even the daughter of the governor of New York came out as demisexual. So what is demisexuality?

Origin of the Term Demisexual

The term ‘demisexual‘ was initially coined in 2006 by a user of a web forum that belonged to The Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN). Within the thread, the user described his experience of not being sexually drawn to individuals without first forming an emotional connection. 

He felt neither asexual nor non-asexual and created the term to more accurately describe needing an emotional bond as a necessity to sexual attraction. By 2008, the term had entered common vernacular and began to be used widely.

What is Demisexuality?

Individuals who identify themselves as ‘demisexual’ feel a sexual attraction only towards those with whom they have a deep emotional bond. They don’t experience primary attraction based on instantly available information such as looks or smell. 

The Demisexual Pride Flag

Here’s how the demisexual flag looks like:

Source - The Flag Shop

(Flag for Demisexuality)

In the demisexual flag, the black chevron represents asexuality, gray represents gray asexuality and demisexuality, white represents sexuality and purple represents the community.

Demisexuality has a lot of similarities with asexuality (having no sexual feelings/desires) and due to this absence of sexual desire demisexuals tend to feel the necessity to develop a deep connection with the person to only then experience sexual attraction/feelings. The flags of both extra concepts in the LGBTQ+ community are similar too.

Source - Pinterest

(Flag for Asexuality)

What do the colors in this flag mean? The black triangle from the demisexual flag is now arranged in a horizontal line while the colors remain the same, there is some difference in its representation of different aspects of the community.

As in the demisexual flag, black represents asexuality, purple the community, gray as the gray-ace and demisexuality but the representation of the color white on the asexuality flag differs from the demisexual flag. White here represents ‘non-asexual partners and allies’.

However, how the demisexual flag came to be is still unknown except for the fact that it is very similar in the choice of its concepts and colors to the asexual flag which was based on the AVEN logo.

Testimonials of Young People

People who identified themselves as the same when interviewed mentioned - they can’t have one-night stands or fancy a random person just based on readily available information, just by knowing the person from afar or even after one meeting. 

Others stated demisexuality has helped them alleviate the pressure to act in those ways before and with the rise of this concept fewer people have started to believe in what was being sold as the idea of ‘sexuality or what it is supposed to look like.

A growing number of young people seem to identify themselves despite the rise of a society that had become more sexualized with increased talk of watching porn and dating through apps. Many statistics revealed giving an idea about them having less sex than previous generations.

A Deeper Insight into Demisexuality

Source - Dictionary

Since demisexuality and many other identities or orientations fall on the continuum of sexualities ranging from sexual to non-sexual, it does not mean that demisexuals have half-sexuality or are completely asexual.

They only feel sexually attracted towards those they have formed a strong emotional connection with and not with any other person. This type is not commonly seen confined to romantic relationships. These individuals simply lack the sense of sexual attraction with people unless the bond aforementioned is made.

They may also go on to add other gender orientations to their labels such as ‘demi-heterosexual’ or ‘demi-bisexual’. People have also made speculations in pop culture that the character Sheldon Cooper from the hit TV show ‘Big Bang Theory may be demisexual because he has no sexual interest in women until he meets and becomes very close to one.

The hashtag #demisexual continues to trend and is being used by people worldwide on social media platforms, especially Instagram and Reddit with pages exceeding 50K members and the usage over 2M times.

Endnote

Source - Adobe Stock

“Sexual identity has now become a vast concept for many to explore, question, and define in specific words. It being multi-layered, one word no more can capture someone’s full experience in identifying as a sexual being.”

Source - Devian Art

Now coming across as an ever-evolving field and with so many variations in sexual identities it surely is a good idea to educate ourselves about what they mean but doesn’t feel overwhelmed and get lost in the chaos, instead, always remember to be your true self. 

Read more on - Types and Signs of Demisexual & Demisexual on Cosmopolitan

Written By - Umme-Aiman