7 Things to Remember When Parenting Adults (Know Where You’re Going Wrong)

A relationship between parents and their children changes when they hit adulthood. Parenting adult is of the most difficult things to do and yet at least discussed topic among the parents. Adulthood is complicated both for the children and their parents. Everything gradually gets complicated.

Baby toddler tantrums, teen drama, and hormones are one big deal to handle but there are plenty of parenting ways to handle it- not so much on how to parent adult children. So here’s this guide that might help you transition from being parents to being your adult’s best friend.

Your Child Is an Adult

Adulthood cannot be measured as per parents’ criteria or whensoever they want to declare their children as adults, it is also not about more or less maturity in your child or when you will decide that he/she is a grown-up. Adulthood begins at the age of 18, whether you believe it or not, and henceforth, everything changes.

This generation of young adults is very much different from that of their parents: more diversified, with a different set of values, with a completely different environment and exposure.

With the pressure to perform and succeed early on, persistent comparison with peers because of these many changes, today’s adulthood seems to be much different for the parents.

Given those many changes, it should not be unexpected that this generation of adults behaves very differently from beyond generations. Whether you feel lightened or conflicted about this change, you certainly need to embrace your child’s independence and appreciate a new phase of parenthood.

Some ways to grow a healthy, happy, and strong relationship with your adult children and how to parent adult children in their last teens and beyond-

Recognize and Respect Your Differences

The conflicts between parent and child are usually the topmost concern of every parent. It is most of the time a result of personality clashes and differences in opinions.

Every child is unique. You may not always agree with them, their life choices, and their decisions but as their independence grows, find felicity in connecting without conflict.

Communicate with Your Adult Children

Communication is a key to every barrier between you and your adult child. Talk with your adult children like they are adults, communicate with them to understand and not to fight with them. Never say things that you would not say to a friend. Trust your children to make wise decisions in life.

 

If you have been there guiding them through their life and teaching them, then they are ready to make those decisions.

Share Your Knowledge, Wisdom, and Insight (Without Being Critical)

Your child may have a very different temperament than yours, they may not always respond well to your ideas and suggestions despite being as helpful as you think they may be. If they feel criticism, they may even shut down completely. 

If you’re sharing wisdom, do so with sensitivity and grace. This is one of the many challenges in parenting adult children, but if worked upon it is also a strong way to build a bond of understanding, connection, and empathy with them as well. Learn and adapt to how they communicate.

Do Things You Love Together

If you loved shopping with your daughter when she was a teen or watching action movies with your son when he was a teen, there’s no reason to stop now. Maybe this is the time to discover new things you love doing together. Whatever hobbies, activities or traditions, appeal to you and your adult child, make sure to enjoy them together regularly.

Setting Boundaries with Adult Children

Apart from what your living arrangements are, whether adult children live at home or overseas, you still need boundaries. There may be times when you are the first person they call in a crisis, and other times they will want to figure it out with a friend or themselves first.

And so just because your children are adults it does not mean you should tell them all the personal decisions or discussions you may be having at home with your partner. Set the ground rules for how to not agree. Setting boundaries with children may feel uncomfortable and awkward at first, but the more you do it, the easier it will get.

Make Room for Significant Others in Their Lives and Respect Their Decisions

It is hard to share your children with their significant others, but such relationships are an important stage in their process of independence as well as growth. Be open-minded and polite as you meet this important person.

Also, get to know them without being too judgmental or pushy. This does not mean letting go of adult children but giving them the room to grow and learn at their own pace.

Compose an atmosphere in which your child always feels like he/she can talk to you. Adult youngsters will now no longer continually be soliciting for your advice, however rather, simply soliciting for a sounding board.

In addition to keeping the lines of communication open, listen to them smoothly without any discomforting facial expressions even if it makes your skin crawl.

Love them for who they are, and rejoice in the adult friend you now have. If you can evolve your relationship from parent to a friend of your child, then everything will seem to be better with the bonding and everything.

Talking through the issues with peers and those in similar situations in any challenging life phase is a positive starting point. So is seeking out counselors, mediators, and other professionals who are equipped to guide and direct—to ease the growing pains of the parent-adult child relationship.

For many families, the unhealed scars and wounds of childhood (for both the parent and child) may need to be squared up to develop a healthy, grounded relationship.

Written by - Riya Gupta

Edited by - Akanksha Sharma