How to Tell If Someone Is Manipulating You—And What to Do About It

 

If you've ever felt like something wasn't quite right in a tight relationship or casual encounter: you're being pressured, manipulated, or even questioning yourself more than usual; it may be manipulation.

"Manipulation is an emotionally unpleasant psychological tactic adopted by persons who are unable to directly ask for what they want and need. People who try to influence others are attempting to control them."

Manipulative persons may be found wherever. They are present in our circles of friends, family, and occupations, in our closest and furthest circles.

The fact is that we often cannot recognise them because their conduct is contradictory: they reveal themselves as they are at times, but they are also compassionate and understanding at other times.

Manipulation may take various forms, ranging from a pushy salesperson to an emotionally abusive partner and some behaviours are more obvious than others.

True, we all engage in manipulative conduct at some time in our lives, but a manipulative person has made this behaviour a habit, a significant part of their personality.

How can we tell whether someone is being deceptive? Here are some instances of a typical behaviour:

You are filled with anxiety, obligation, and guilt:

Fear, responsibility, and guilt all play a role in manipulative conduct. When you are controlled by someone, you are mentally persuaded into doing something you do not want to do. You may be afraid to do it, compelled to do it, or guilty for not doing it.

A bully instils fear in you and may use aggressiveness, threats, and intimidation to exert control over you. The victim creates a sense of guilt in their victim.

The victim normally appears to be in pain, but while manipulators frequently play the victim, the fact is that they are the ones who have caused the situation.

You question yourself:

The phrase "gaslighting" is frequently used to refer to the deception that causes someone to doubt themselves, their reality, memory, or thoughts. A toxic person may distort your words to make them about them, hijack the talk, or make you feel bad when you aren't sure you have.

If you're being gaslighted, you may have a false sensation of guilt or defensiveness, as if you've failed or must have done something wrong when, in fact, this is not the case. Manipulators place blame but do not accept accountability.

There are Several Conditions Attached:

This individual may be helpful and perform many favours for others. It's perplexing since you're unaware of anything unpleasant happening. But, on the other side, every nice deed comes with a catch: an expectation.

If you fail to match the manipulator's expectations, you will be portrayed as ungrateful. One of the most prevalent ways of manipulation is to take advantage of the norms and expectations of reciprocity.

A salesman, for example, may make it appear as though you should buy the goods since he or she offered you a discount. In a relationship, your spouse may buy you flowers and then ask for something in exchange.

These strategies’ function because they exploit societal conventions. It's natural to return favours, but even when someone performs one unintentionally, we frequently feel obligated to repay and comply.

You observe the 'foot-in-the-door and 'door-in-the-face' methods:

Manipulators frequently employ one of two strategies. The first is the foot-in-the-door strategy, in which someone begins with a tiny and reasonable request, such as "do you have the time?" and then progresses to a larger need, such as "I need $10 for a cab."

The door-in-the-face strategy is the inverse, in which someone makes a large request, has it refused, and then makes a smaller one.

Someone doing contract work, for example, may ask for a huge sum of money upfront and then ask for a lower amount after you refuse, he adds. This works because, after the greater request, the lesser appeal appears fair in comparison.

What to do if you suspect you're being manipulated?

How you react to manipulation is heavily influenced by the type of manipulation you are subjected to.

If you believe you or someone you know is in a manipulative or violent relationship, experts recommend getting therapy from a therapist or assistance from groups such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline. A good support group might also be beneficial.

People in toxic relationships need to hear opposing viewpoints from time to time. They have been conditioned to believe that the encounters are typical. Someone needs to assist them in breaking free from that assumption.

For other types of manipulation, I recommend attempting not to let the manipulative conduct impact you personally. "Remember the adage, 'Observe, don't absorb.'" After all, we aren't responsible for the emotions of others.

Establishing limits may often help keep manipulation at bay. People who manipulate have poor self-control.

As a human being, you want your own deliberate experience and need to know where you stop, and the other person begins. Manipulators frequently have either too strict or interwoven boundaries.

It might also be useful to delay your answer in a manipulative circumstance. For example, don't sign a contract, at first, sight, don't make a huge purchase without careful consideration, and don't make major relationship decisions the first time they're brought up. "'Sleeping on it'" is often the most effective strategy to avoid getting swayed.

Written By - Tanya C