Narcissism As a Trauma Response

Narcissism is the quality of a person to be so centered around themselves and their needs that they forget the needs of those around them.

Source - Self.com

Although narcissism as a trauma response is gaining a lot of popularity as a concept, it is important to remember that not all narcissists are a product of trauma. Individual experiences in life vary widely  and a lot of factors can contribute to development of narcissistic personality disorder.

The Relationship of Trauma and Narcissism

Let us first establish an understanding of the terms trauma and narcissism.

Trauma is a deeply disturbing or distressing experience or happenstance that affects the long term psychological state and mental well being of a person.

Narcissism is the quality of an inflated sense of self importance and neglect of other people's needs.

When an individual goes through a severe trauma like neglect, abuse or abandonment, they attempt to protect themselves from further emotional damage and sometimes this intention might lead them to maladaptive coping mechanisms.

A lot of times because of the feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, individual may develop a unique sense of self importance. This is a filter that discredits criticism of any forming a protective armour. This helps them in maintaining a temporary sense of control.

These survivors find it difficult to connect their emotions to anyone. Sometimes the emotional connection to themselves will also be minimal. They might thus, find it difficult to empathise with others going through a hard time. This emotional detachment was once their defense mechanism from traumatic mental friction.

They might also possess a constant need for appreciation and validation to coat their feeling of inadequacy.

The relationship can be further explored in ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Bessel van der Kolk and ‘The Narcissistic Parent’ by Craig Malkin.

Consequences of Narcissism Fueled by Trauma

The consequences can be devastating for all parties involved. Their relationships may often be characterized by one or many of the following factors-

1. Manipulation

2. Exploitation

3. Complete disregard of the feelings of others

4. Pattern of destructive behaviors like infidelity, financial abuse and emotional cruelty.

Even the person going through the syndrome may feel lonely, insecure, inadequate and an emotional turmoil inside the cover. These individuals might engage in abuse, self harm or even suicide in extreme cases. On the people involved in their life, a long cast may fall as impacts.

Impacts on Lives of Others

The impacts on their loved ones, specially their partners can be scarring.

●     Narcissistic partners can be master manipulators. They may use tactics like gaslighting, triangulation and silent treatment to abuse their partner mentally. This can lead to emotional turmoil in their partner and can go as far as causing anxiety and depression.

●     Narcissists are also big spenders. They may lead their partner or parents to financial ruin by their impulsive spending, bad investments or other bad financial decisions.

●     Narcissists may even want their partner to socially isolate themselves and cut connections with relatives and friends and make them feel like they ‘owe it to them’. If their partner does that, it will leave them vulnerable to further abuse.

●     Narcissistic tendencies may prevent these people to attach importance to the dignity of somebody else and may lead to possessiveness towards their partner in a very materialistic way. This may result in physical abuse of their partner. This may even fall on their children.

●     Narcissists would often deploy their children of emotional connection with them and neglect their emotional needs driving the kids to feel invisible and unloved. They may also see their kids objectively and expect them to provide for their emotional needs. They may use their kids as emotional dumping grounds and may project their insecurities on them. They may often look for personal games from their family.

Final Thoughts

Narcissism may or may not be a trauma response but if it is, it may lead to a lot of emotional turmoil in the lives of all those involved. They may lead an emotionally compressed life and play games with others that will end up making them an irresponsible and emotionally exclusive citizen of the society. Their near and dear ones would face the impacts in form of emotional neglect, financial drain, abuse and manipulation. If someone knows a person suffering through this, they must book an appointment with a psychiatrist.

 

Written By Dixitaa Jaisinghani

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