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“All research indicates that the most significant influence on the life of a teenager comes from parents.”
- Gary Chapman
How does one give and receive love? Is there a pattern or procedure to follow for the same or does it just happen?. For relationships to last takes intentional commitment over time but if the pair is just not on the same page it can become intimidating and overwhelming, sometimes even impossible. And this is when relationships start to fall out.
In his ‘The 5 Love Languages’ series, Gary Chapman has introduced simple truths and how to work around them to make human relationships better, be it with your spouse, children, teens or singles. No matter who you are and want to improve your relationship with, in this series there is always a book for you.
Similarly, his ‘The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers’ is a book for parents, grandparents, and school teachers who care about teenagers. Gary explains the life of teenagers, changes they go through and provides tools to help readers to identify how to appropriately communicate in their teen’s love language.
Introduction
Book’s Name - The Five Love Language of Teenagers
Author’s Name - Gary Chapman
Genre - Self-help book
Language - English (21st Century Christian Literature)
Synopsis- Spoiler Alert!
Raising a teenager can be complex for some parents and trying to connect to the unrest which has no simple answer to it yet in the soul of the contemporary teenager can be an extremely frustrating experience.
According to Gary only when parents become uninvolved their role of guidance gets replaced by the gang, peer group or friends.
A brief preview- the book starts with an outline to ‘Understanding Contemporary Teens’. Here parents get to explore how their teenager’s life looks. It not only addresses the developmental changes teens go through in becoming an adolescent but also how these changes look like in the contemporary world.
The chapter also provides an insight into the ‘Five Fundamental Differences’ between contemporary teenagers and teenagers of the past.
Chapter 2 provides an in-depth explanation of the importance of love in the emotional, intellectual, social and spiritual world of the teenager. Chapters 3 to 7 focus on the Five Love Languages and appropriate ways of communicating with teens.
Chapter 8 offers suggestions on how to discover your teen’s ‘primary love language’ which according to Gary is the most effective way to fill their emotional tank. Chapters 9 to 12 explores key issues in the teen’s life.
Chapter 13 explores why loving them is the most difficult task, especially during hard times at which parents sometimes fail. And, the final two chapters provide the application of these love languages for single as well as parents with a blended family.
About the Author
Gary Chapman is an American author of the best-selling Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships that has sold over 12 million copies and has been translated into 50 languages.
He is a well-known marriage counselor, a radio talk show host and the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. He is also the senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
About the Book
The book provides true stories from the counseling office of Gary Chapman where parents and teens share their journey toward understanding and love. It focuses on what he believes is the most fundamental building block of parent-teen relationships-love.
Gary believes that if the teenager’s emotional need for love is met, he or she will navigate through the waters of change and come out as a healthy young adult.
Towards the end the book also provides what he calls ‘The Five Love Languages Test for Teens’ that will help parents know the love language of their teenage children by making them take the test. You can find the online version of the test here- Quiz for Teens.
The Five Love Languages
Source- Scary Mommy
If you are not familiar with The 5 Love Languages given by Gary Chapman, let me give you a quick overview. Here is what the author says about it:
“My conclusion after years of marriage counseling is that there are basically five emotional love languages - five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. In the field of linguistics a language may have numerous variations. Similarly, within the five basic love languages, there are many dialects. And the important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse, child or teenager.”
A brief description of what each of them mean:
Love Language #1
Words of Affirmation: Expressing affection through words, praises or appreciation.
Love Language #2
Physical Touch: Holding hands, hugs, etc. With this some teens may feel understood and acknowledged.
Love Language #3
Quality Time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted and one-on-one attention.
Love Language #4
Acts of Service: Actions that show and receive love rather than words.
Love Language #5
Gifts: Gifting them for doing something good, achieving a goal, on occasions or maybe just for behaving well.
Story Behind The Five Love Languages
Through his early years as a marriage counselor and hearing similar complaints voiced by his clients regarding their marriage or parent-child relationship, Gary recognized a pattern that poured out through his sessions notes.
He discovered the answer to questions - why people fall out of love or fail in relationships, surprisingly fall into five categories that reveal a unique approach of how to effectively love the other. This unique approach gave birth to what is now called ‘The Five Love Languages’.
The premise laid out by the approach simply states that: different people with different personalities express love in different ways. And each individual has at least one love language that they prefer above the other, that he calls the ‘primary love language’. Knowing this can radically strengthen and improve relationships.
Famous Quotes
“As a parent you want to help your teenager navigate a world full of new social and mental pressures.”
“If you don’t speak a person’s primary love language, that person will not feel loved, even though you may be speaking the other four. Once you are speaking his or her primary love language fluently, then you can sprinkle in the other four and they will be like icing on the cake.”
The Bottom Line
The Five Love Languages of Teenagers has been a really insightful and educative book. It has succeeded in explaining the concepts in a simple yet detailed manner. The book series is not only applicable for parents or adults, but for every person out there who has someone younger to them in their circle.
The book may surely to some extent help your relationship with others improve, and someday when you may have your own kids I hope you find this book handy.
My ratings for the book - 4 on 5
Get your copy from Amazon - The Five Love Languages of Teenagers
Written By - Umme-Aiman
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