How to Really Listen to Somebody

 

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply".

As rightly put into words by Stephen R. Covey, it is undoubtedly true that many of us lie amongst the category of people who earnestly listen, not to listen to be exact, but to speak; as if there are not many people already speaking, moreover all those who listen are buried under the ostentatious noises. 

Listening is one of the prime acts of respect or to be more precise, at least a skill that doesn't need to be polished as much as it's achieved right through the very beginning of our hearing and making sense out of sentences or actions. 

However, this statement stands untrue in today's time especially when people are so eager to be heard that they often forget that they are at the receiving end of the conversation. Consequently, we end up gaining nothing and adding a total of zero value to someone's life. 

Many of us may not even have noticed, but we are bad, very bad listeners. These are some of the traits of poor listeners and if one of these makes it to your checklist, then it's time to buckle up! 

Cutting People Off

When someone's simply stating their thoughts or proving their points, do you let them speak? Or do you interrupt for reasons whatsoever and start with your train of statements, shutting them off? If this is true for you, then it's a code red and this habit must be brought down. 

Letting the other party finish with whatever they're speaking first and making them feel heard even if their words seem to offend you, is one of the initial forms of decorum to be maintained while being a part of a healthy conversation. 

Upholding Biases and Presumptions

Do you ever find yourself judging somebody even before or while they are speaking due to some baseless stuff such as their accent or their dressing sense or even as far as popularized rumors? If yes, then it is inevitably true that you may not be a good listener. Instead of listening you would rather build presumptions about the person based on your own mentally fed biases. 

A good listener needs to keep all biases aside and listen to people as individuals without making any prior opinions until they finish speaking. It might awestruck us all at times how people sound different when we listen to them without any filtering biases and this may be possible if and only if we listen without being judgemental. 

Getting Swayed Away by Distractions

Lack of concentration is something that every one of us copes with daily. However, small distractions such as responding to any external stimuli, looking away, touching your hair/face, shuffling the stuff in your hand, or simply zoning out while listening to somebody, add up to the overall qualifications for being a certified bad listener. 

Following any of the above habits not only discourages the speaker as they talk but also demarcates you as being insulting and disrespectful. Maintaining eye contact and nodding throughout a conversation while listening is something that should be adopted instead of giving in to distractions. It is of utmost importance that the listener makes the speaker feel heard at all times. 

Avoiding Difficult Conversations and Listening Selectively

It is very common indeed amongst most of us to try and skip a rather difficult conversation by not partaking in it by either avoiding the whole matter around the topic or only listening to what pleases them. With both of these being equally wrong, the latter can turn out to be extremely disastrous. 

When you only listen to what you want and not the conversation as a whole, you not only miss out on the overall point but also end up poorly substantiating your stance. To counter this, it is necessary to hear out everything attentively, even if it's difficult because only after attaining the proper knowledge of everything heard, can a listener understand better. 

Thus, it is indeed a matter of concern if the characteristics mentioned above lessen you as a listener. It is essential to hear first before being heard. Being a good listener is a prerequisite for being a good speaker and amongst all the noise there is in this world, giving a little ear out could be more serving than just delivering mere dialogue with specimens of a thousand. 

Written by - Abhya Kaushik

Edited by - Priyanshi Deolal