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People had a plethora of dreams as the new decade started. 2020 would be a year of unending possibilities. Little did we know, it brought us all of a sudden, a crumbling pause. People's fear to touch one another has brought down the stats of rape steep down. The data by Delhi police shows a 83% drop in rape cases during lockdown.(How ugly is it to hear the word rape, when you have a wonderful word, Sex!)
Is the mentality changing or Is the word rape perceived as the same way it was?
According to government figures, 33658 cases of rape had registered in 2017. I.e. A woman is raped in every sixteen minutes in India. India thus was dubbed ‘the most dangerous country for women’ by human right activists.
Prevention Versus Punishment.
There have been many discussions over the reasons for rape and debates over the punishment given to the accused. We have seen bipolar opinions on the hanging of 2012 Delhi gang-rape convicts. Some people contend for sex education from primary level, as a preventive measure for the increasing rape cases. But we have seen educated people like religious leaders being accused for the same.
Many others argue for hanging till death to reduce the rape scale. But despite the awareness about death penalty being awarded in such cases, the rapists seem to be killing the victims more often. We have seen recent case where a 23 year old girl on her way to hearing of a rape case, assaulted and doused in kerosene before setting her on fire.
If killing the killer is justice, what is the justice for raping and killing? Raping the rapist first, and then hanging him? Well, then the justice is not served.
The Unnoticed Underlying Phenomena
Across the country, some men celebrate when rapists are hanged. Those are the same men who think assault is a sign of masculinity. As long as the social dishonor of 'men will be men' or 'boys don't cry' prevails, the patriarchy is going to remain as our shadow.
Patriarchy is not only harmful to women, but it forces men to act in a specific way. Still, men insist more on #notallmen rather than #smashthepatriarchy, because men don’t want to lose their ‘birthright’ of dominance over women.
The hurdle lies way back when we were kids. Just remember how boys and girls were indirectly taught the dominating culture. Why should a boy with a bleeding knee force to stop crying only because 'boys don't cry'? Why someone should snatch an army toy from a girl and soothes her with a Barbie doll only to 'Act girly'?
Young boys are forced to stick onto the apostrophes of masculinity rather than being cute or caring. It makes them cool to be a bad boy or a macho. In fact, the highest degree of insult you can do to a boy is to question his masculinity. Walk like a man, talk like a man, fight like a man. It is doubtless that we all have gone through at least one boy who 'act girly' and being teased by fellow mates.
Just think about how he might have faced all those sleepless nights trying to crunch his feelings of not being a societal man. This suppression creates a vacuum of emotions in their life and when a man's privilege of masculinity is threatened, nothing is going to stop him from being violent.
"Accepting the patriarchy from a place of false benefit will prevent you from ever truly loving yourself or understanding others. It's OK to feel sad. It's OK to cry. It's OK to have loved your mum and dad growing up. It's OK to have missed them or wanted more affection. It's OK to take a moment when you're reminded of these truths.
Let the Boys Cry
When you allow your brain to access these emotions, it knows exactly what to do. So nurture yourself. Talk honestly to the people around you, and welcome the notion of understanding them more than you have ever done before," writes Jordan Stephens in The Guardian. So to all the boys out there: Express your emotions. Feel explicitly. Cry loudly. Speak about yourself honestly. No one is going to judge you.
If at all someone does, Raise your eyebrows, smile at them and say, Let boys cry.
May be this can’t eradicate rape completely, but at least the life of a segment of people can be saved by just breaking the stereotypes.
Let’s fight for equality from a boy’s angle too.
#LetBoysCry
Written by - Gokul.P
Edited by - Nidhi Verma
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